nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
