Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
