it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
