is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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