I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
