That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
