I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
