I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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