but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize