Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
