:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
