i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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