I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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