you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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