you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
