Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
