The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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