There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Can i not drive my cunt home
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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