p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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