I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
