I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
