I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
