Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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