I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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