ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just blew my weed a kiss
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
