forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.â€
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
