I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
