I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
