Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
