Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
A bitchslap is in order.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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