Can i not drive my cunt home
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
