i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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