you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
