Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
