the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
