Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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