ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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