Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
