So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
