I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
