so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
