i wish starbucks made bloody marys
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
