So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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