I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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