You made me cry and you don't even care
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Of course I have a pirate flag
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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