I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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