you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
