i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't turn off my feet"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
