I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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