god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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