Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
