JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
