Don't you send me to vm
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
