Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
