I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
