yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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