We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
