Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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