dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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