If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
