would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
