yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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