i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
